You don’t want to create relationship problems.
#FACEBOOK DATING TAKE A BREAK CODE#
They are often taken as code for I’m drifting away, If that’s not what you intend in a relationship, be very, very clear. Those words, “taking a break,” often create relationship issues. and safety run up the flagpole and flap in the breeze. All the red flags of trust, respect, honesty, reliability. If that’s what you’re going for, you’ve started well. When I’m working with a committed couple and one has asked to “take a break” and is not suggesting a few days apart to collect themselves, I know that person is questioning his or her commitment. Be careful with the “take a break” thing. That’s what I was asking that couple above to do. Retreats with purpose strengthen relationships and commitments. That doesn’t fall into the “take a break” category in my books. Taking time apart to reflect, think, and feel helps you know who you are and what you need and want.
You work things out, and you might take a few days apart to do that. It’s like pregnancy: you are or you are not pregnant. This is even more a sign for concern because you don’t take breaks from commitment. What if you’re in a committed relationship–or married–and your partner wants to “take a break?” Something’s gone sideways. They would say good-bye and realize that they dodged a bullet! I recently posted this on Facebook because it really applies: “Loving someone who doesn’t love you is like waiting for a ship at the airport.” Think about it! Why would you want someone who doesn’t want you? What’s up with that? People with good self-esteem simply would not do that. You have to stop and give your head a shake. But, why would you want to win someone back when they clearly want to be gone? Yes, you cared about them, but, it is more likely that you think getting them back would validate you.That’s the big problem. Really? I know it is a loss and you’re hurt and upset. What really saddens me is that I get so many questions from young people–and a few not-so-young people–who ask me the fatal question: “How do I get him or her back?” People use it as an opening and an opportunity to look around and see if they can do better. With no designated time, it is just a “spare the feelings and I’m out of here” substitute. Unfortunately, many of the people who write to me for advice think that “taking a break” has no deadline. If you can agree to that, and honor the need to get some perspective, then it is honest.
In that case, “taking a break” needs to be a designated period of time and no more than two weeks. Yes, it is appropriate to step back and see if the relationship is really for you. This is especially true once the hormones settle down. Only you will know which is true.īecause you have no commitment in a dating relationship, it is a time of enjoying, reflecting, and assessing. And, yes, it could be completely honest and just what is needed. If you haven’t been dating more than four to six months, that’s likely the “sparing your feelings” approach. That’s a sign that there’s some re-considering of the relationship going on.
What if you’re just dating and your date suggests taking a break? The third approach has merit and wisdom, as long as the break is not long. They are based on a lack of self-awareness, poor communication skills, and a lack of respect. “Things are a little rocky for me, and I need to get my thoughts and feelings, wants and needs, together.”
“I want to go out and have a look around, but, I can always come back and pick it up again if I don’t find something better.” “Take a break” sounds so much softer than “This is over.” Usually someone suggests taking a break to do one of three things: “Take a break” has become an almost lethal phrase in today’s relationships. “I think we should take a break,” has a much different feel and impact than “I need a couple of days to myself.”īig difference that is not just words. For the person saying it, it can be a relationship saver–in the right conditions. To the person hearing it, it usually doesn’t sound like a good thing. One of the relationship questions I am often asked is: “what do I do–and what does it mean–when my partner wants to ‘take a break’? “
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